How to speak up without feeling like a jerk
5 Assertiveness Tricks to Help You Be Confident—Without the Guilt
You want to be likable, 😩 so you never say No — even when you don’t want to.
You want to end every negotiation with a ‘yes’, 🫢 but you end up compromising what matters most to you.
You’ve probably left conversations feeling frustrated, 🥲 kicking yourself for not saying what you really wanted to.
Many of us struggle with assertiveness—not because we lack opinions, but because we fear coming off as rude, aggressive, or selfish.
Maybe you think only certain people can be assertive — the bold, the loud, the naturally confident.
Maybe, like me, you are a soft-spoken who thought being assertive wasn’t “your style” — and maybe even believed that’s why promotions passed you by.
This week, I had the opportunity to learn from a senior director and a VP at a Fortune 100 company on how to be assertive. Both of them told me something that changed how I see assertiveness:
Assertiveness isn’t about being loud or pushy—it’s about clarity, confidence, and respect (for yourself and others).
⛔️ 5 Signs You’re Struggling With Assertiveness
1️⃣ The Overworked Employee — Sarah stays late (again) because she can’t say NO to her boss’s last-minute requests. She hates her job but fear being seen as low performer.
2️⃣ The People-Pleaser — Mark agrees to help a friend move even though he had an exhausting work week. He spends the weekend drained, annoyed at himself for not speaking up.
3️⃣ The Silent Meeting Attendee — Priya has a great idea in a brainstorming session but stays quiet, worried it might sound "stupid." Someone else says it later—and gets the credit.
4️⃣ The Over-Apologizer — May says "sorry" for everything — when she's late to a meeting, when she asks a question, even when someone bumps into HER. She didn’t think it was an issue, until she realize how this habit makes her shrink from setting boundaries, always putting others’ comfort above her own needs.
5️⃣ The Overexplainer —Jack says no, but feels guilty — so he follows up with explanations. Eventually, he caves because he runs out of excuses. He mistakes over-explaining for politeness, when really, it’s permission-seeking.
💡 How to Sound Assertive in Any Conversation (Without Feeling guilty)
Assertiveness is a skill—not a personality trait. And like any skill, if you practice it with intention, you can get better at it.
1/ The Power of a Clear “No”
Ever said “yes” while your gut screamed “NO”? (Been there.)
Saying no isn’t about rejecting people — it’s about respecting your limits.
Dr. Randy Paterson, a clinical psychologist, explains in The Assertiveness Workbook that setting boundaries without guilt leads to more effective and healthier relationships.
By simply saying “no,” you protect your time and energy, which ultimately boosts self-respect and promotes clarity in both your professional and personal life.
Think of it like setting a boundary on a map: clear, kind, no drama.
Example:
“Thanks for thinking of me. I can’t take this on right now.”
Short. Respectful. Done.
2/ How to Disagree (Without Starting a War)
You don’t have to agree just to keep the peace.
(That’s how resentment brews.) Disagreeing, in fact, it’s a tool for collaboration.
Dr. Adam Grant, author of Originals, states that constructive disagreement sparks innovation and problem-solving.
Disagreeing respectfully helps clarify misunderstandings and opens the door to better solutions.
Next time you disagree, stay calm — and focus on the idea, not the person.
Example:
“I see where you’re coming from. I have a slightly different perspective…” or
“That’s an interesting point. Another angle could be…”
You’re not running over others. You’re offering value. Big difference.
3/ Speak Early (Even If Messy)
Ever waited for the “perfect” moment to speak up, only to miss your chance?
Speaking early isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence.
Dr. Adam Grant’s research shows that speaking up early in a meeting, even with imperfect ideas, positions you as a leader. It shows initiative and sets the tone for the conversation, guiding it toward the best outcome.
Don’t wait for your idea to be perfectly polished. Just get in the game.
Example:
“Here’s my initial thought on the project. It might need some refining, but I think we should start by…”
Early, imperfect, but impactful.
4/ The No-Sorry Swap
Ever catch yourself apologizing for things you shouldn’t? (Yeah, it happens.)
When you apologize too much, you risk sounding less confident.
Try these swaps:
Instead of “Sorry for speaking up,” say “Thanks for hearing me out.”
Instead of “Sorry if I’m being difficult,” say “I want to make sure we’re aligned.”
Instead of “Sorry I can’t help you right now,“ say “I’d love to help once I’ve cleared my current tasks.”
Replace apologies with appreciation or clarity — this simple shift can help you sound more assertive without diminishing your credibility.
5/ Own the Room (Even If You’re Interrupted)
Getting interrupted sucks. Staying silent after sucks more.
Interruptions don’t have to derail your confidence — just reclaim the floor.
Next time this happens, try this:
“I’d like to finish my thought.”
“I’d like to complete my sentence before we move on.”
“Excuse me, I wasn’t finished.”
”Let me finish what I was saying, then I’d love to hear your thoughts.”
Assertive, calm, and in control.
You’re not being rude. It’s the interrupter who’s being disrespectful.
In moments like this, you have to stand up for yourself, and make sure your voice is heard — because it absolutely matter!
✨ FREE Unstoppable Confidence Worksheet:
Overcome self-doubt and step into your power in just 30 days.
🚀 Join My Exclusive Group:
Get monthly strategies to crush career uncertainty and accelerate your growth.
💬 Book a Consultation:
Let’s create a actionable plan to break through your barriers and achieve your goals.
🌟 Final Thoughts
These simple assertiveness techniques not only help you stand your ground, but can also make you more likable in any conversation — without being a people pleaser.
At the heart of it, it’s all about speaking with clarity and confidence, while staying true to yourself.
I encourage you to practice these method in any conversation soon, and see how they shift the way you communicate.
If you try them out, I’d love to hear how it went! What challenges did you face? How did it change your approach? Feel free to hit reply and share your thoughts—I’m here to chat!
All the best!
Kessie, your Career Confidence Coach 🧚♀️